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Blog: Blog2
  • Writer's pictureRobert D. Bessler

10 Ways To Know You’re With Your Soul-Mate

Updated: Jun 17, 2019

I receive quite a bit of fantastic feedback regarding the “Soul-Mate” topic and that got me thinking of additional ways I may be of service to others in this area. I came up with an idea: how about “10 ways to tell if you have found your Soul-Mate?” I thought this may prove to be a helpful guideline in establishing your relationship with that special person who is a divinely “perfect” match for you. Yes, I believe they exist, mostly because I have managed to find mine. Yes, I believe you are out there waiting to find one another. Yes, I believe you can do it. I am not a so-called relationship expert, nor am I a therapist (thankfully, on both counts). I am however, an Expansion expert, and I am going to speak on the topic of Soul-Mates from that spiritual perspective as well as my own experience. I am not sharing theory here, instead, I am sharing actual honest experience from my own life and the honest observations I make of those around me. As always, the greatest truth is already known in your own heart. Your challenge is to learn to listen to it, feel it, follow it, and act accordingly.

CAUTION: This post is going to contain deep truths that will go against the grain of many social beliefs. (But then, just how many people in the herd are with their Soul-Mates?) These concepts may cause you to reflect upon yourself and your relationship. They may cause an awakening regarding your current relationship as well as a potential one that is just beginning to take shape. They may cause you to make changes. I am not going to pile on the fluffy, feel-good, empty content regarding this topic which is typical in the spiritual realm. Instead, I am going to give you some practical information you can apply to yourself and your life right now. YOU are solely responsible for your relationship and whatever choices you make regarding it. I am going to describe these topics with a sense of raw honesty; I hope you can appreciate it. Some of them will require great courage to face and accept as truth. I struggled with accepting this before my transformational process too, so I know how you feel. Some of these ideas may require working on yourself before you can share them with another. Open your mind and your heart and feel for yourself if what I say makes sense.

NOTICE: I am not an advocate of divorce. I have gone through it in order to correct my life situation, but it is an experience better left un-had. I am an advocate of taking your relationship seriously and entering into it with a sense of mindfulness and level of consciousness that allows you to make decisions with your authentic voice and presence. Your romantic relationship is the most important one in your life – act responsibly. Please keep in mind that this post is not simply about relationships, but about the relationship with your Soul-Mate; they are very different things.

I have come to know my Soul-Mate. I do not make that statement lightly, but I can make it with complete certainty. It is difficult to explain in a way that is easy to share, but I will attempt to share examples with you from my own life experience to assist me in shedding light on these insights. I hope that if you are already in a relationship, you can read each one of these and feel confident that they are honestly part of your experience too. If not, then you may have some things to think about.

1. Your Soul-Mate will have the same spiritual foundation that you do. This is always the first and most important insight I offer in regards to any relationship, but it is essential for a Soul-Mate. There will be no need for either of you to make changes to your own personal spiritual beliefs or practices. Each of you may bring something new to your practices from your own individual experiences, but the greater spiritual system with be the same. There is never any need for someone to be forced into “converting” into the other’s beliefs. The act of converting someone is an attempt to force them into being someone they are not for the gain of an establishment. Obviously, the establishment itself does not care about the well-being and honesty of the person involved, only that they increase their number of followers. Forcing anything is unnatural and shows that it is not meant to be. You will have the same spiritual ideas, basic practices and desires toward future growth. Soul-Mates walk the same spiritual path prior to the relationship as well as throughout it.

2. Your Soul-Mate will be the feminine or masculine version of yourself. In relationships, they often refer to your significant other as “your other half.” Using the phrase “your better half” is a poor version of this phrase – the underlying idea is that you are both equal. This is not merely a mindless statement to refer to your significant other, it is based in deep truth. Your Soul-Mate will be your “other half;” the other half of your soul. This is why we feel as though they have “completed us” when we find them. If you are a woman, then this man will be the masculine version of you. If you are a man, then this woman will be a feminine version of yourself. You will not be opposites, you will compliment each other so well, in every way, that it will be as though you are two halves of the same person. Indeed, you truly are. When the two halves of a soul find each other and come together, it is an amazingly powerful, divine experience that leaves no room for doubt that Soul-Mates exist. Soul-Mates vibrate at the same frequency and continue to raise their vibrations during the relationship.

3. There will be no compromise or sacrifice in the relationship. There will simply be no need for those things. Anyone stressing that there is, has never known their Soul-Mate. You will simply be who you are and do what is natural for you, and you will fit together with the other person as though it was meant to be. Because it was. When you are with your Soul-Mate there will never be a need to make sacrifices or compromises. You will be completely on the same page in all areas of your relationship and lives. This may be difficult to believe but it is certainly true. Remember that compromising means that someone is giving up a part of themselves and that does not allow them to live from a place of authenticity. Soul-Mates support each others authenticity and strive to allow each other to be who they are. Instead of compromise and sacrifice, you will experience a mutual sense of respect and desire to support each other’s growth. You cannot be happy when you are constantly making sacrifices and a relationship with your Soul-Mate will support an extremely blissful state of joy for you both.

4. The exciting, smouldering fire of love and passion you have for each other will not fade with time. Most people believe that its normal to become bored or complacent with your significant other. I disagree whole-heartedly. I often hear people say that the “magic” is gone after 7 years, or 3 years, or 2 months, or even a few weeks. Is it just me? Doesn’t anyone else see this as a huge red flag? Be willing to take a hard honest look at your relationship; realize the truth that if you feel this way toward the other person then they are obviously not your Soul-Mate. It has been about 5 years and I have felt my love become deeper and more intense with each passing day. The flame is not going out, it is becoming more intense, burning brighter and hotter than ever. You will also have what I call “spiritual love-making.” This is the deepest, intimate act that goes far beyond sexual gratification. Before, during, and after the act of love-making itself, you will feel deeply connected through your eyes, hearts, and bodies, and the union will be a divine connection that will expose the oneness of your souls. As your bodies unite, your hearts will open fully and you will feel your souls merge into one another as you lose yourself in them and them in you. This is a level of bliss that is a gift to mankind and can never be known through casual intercourse.

5. The relationship will be harmonious, even years later. There will be no “working at it” involved in a Soul-Mate relationship. That’s right. The belief that a relationship takes hard work is a myth. It is not true. The necessity of working at it is forcing something, that is not meant to be. Human beings must come to understand this if there is ever any hope of people finding their Soul-Mate. In the past 5 years, there has not been a single moment of working at it in my relationship. In research I’ve done, I have come to understand that this myth is often perpetuated by religious institutions in order to keep families together so as not to lose church members. Therapists often spread this myth as that’s what they were taught to do, and it gives them some form of measuring success and failure. The truth of a Soul-Mate relationship is that there will be no need to work at it, it will be naturally harmonious. Step outside of the belief of having to work at a relationship and know that its okay to expect a smooth, enjoyable romantic experience. Having to work at it is resistance to what is and merely an acceptable term for forcing something that is not supposed to be.

Even after many years into our relationship, we still hold hands, embrace and are affectionate. Our friends all convey to us that they find our relationship inspirational and desire the same for themselves. I never take this for granted, I embrace every time that I get to feel her hand in mine or feel her arms wrap around me tightly when we kiss. I love to envelop her in my arms and have her reach out for my hand whenever we are walking. Saying, “I love you” is commonplace and heartfelt every single time it is uttered. When we are relaxing on the sofa in the evening she still sprawls out, lying across me and I would have it no other way. These things should not fade with time, they should become stronger and more meaningful as the years slip by. Sitting in your own chair or at opposite ends of the sofa may be letting you know that you don’t want to interact with the other person. Having separate beds is definitely telling you something along those same lines. Unconscious body language is very telling. Soul-Mates do not become complacent over time, nor do they become irritated by one another. This type of relationship naturally holds a magic that never requires hard work.

6. There will be a mutually harmonious state of getting along. There will be absolutely no arguing, yelling, name-calling, slamming doors, throwing things, fighting or other form of physical, mental or emotional abuse. How can anyone fool themselves into thinking this type of relationship is acceptable, normal, or remotely healthy? Even when they know it isn’t right, they remain in the relationship for convenience, out of fear, because of social expectations, or for the sake of the kids. You cannot find your Soul-Mate while locked in the wrong relationship. This behavior is one of the clearest signs of all that the person is not your Soul-Mate. When you are with your Soul-Mate, you could never conceive of thinking, saying, or doing anything that would cause them even a moment of discomfort.

A Soul-Mate relationship is a mutually uplifting, respectful, and supportive one with admiration for each other’s strengths and no desire to hold them back in any way. An abusive relationship usually contains someone who looses control of their emotions and lashes out irrationally at the other. Misery loves company, and abusive behavior is an indicator of personal flaws as well as unconsciously acting out because they are unhappy in the relationship.

This type of relationship is unhealthy and toxic. We are also programmed to believe that “letting off steam” is healthy in a relationship. I say that they could not be more wrong. If you are with your Soul-Mate there is no need to vent because there is simply nothing to vent about. You are not holding anything in because there is nothing to be held in. This may be hard to accept, but it is the truth. Likewise, you never take it out on them when you are angry or frustrated with someone else. That is another myth that claims it’s alright to take out your frustrations on the one closest to you. This is terribly wrong! When you are with your Soul-Mate, you will find that you want to do things to make them happy and their happiness is always placed above your own. You have no desire to take out anything on them; indeed, you wouldn’t dream of behaving in such a way. I would joyfully lay down my life for my Soul-Mate at any moment without the slightest hesitation. I would never consider spouting off at her because I was frustrated by someone else. Soul-Mates do NOT abuse one another in any manner.

7. You will find that there is no desire for time apart. Separate vacations, separate nights out on the town, just a general need to have your own time away from your significant other. These too, are the red flag warning signs of an unhealthy relationship that is being forced. They are certainly not the signs of being with your Soul-Mate. Apply even a small amount of common sense to this topic. If you desire or need to spend time apart, isn’t that telling you something? This doesn’t mean that you spend every single waking moment together, but there should be no desire to be apart. Alone time is healthy for every individual. It should, however, be just that – time spent with yourself. Most people are so uncomfortable with themselves that they need to constantly be surrounded by others or on the phone with them. It is still natural to spend some time with your friends or family, but you may notice yourself wishing the other person was with you, sharing your experience. If you are looking for ways to escape from the other person, then it’s obvious they are not your Soul-Mate. You should enjoy doing things with your Soul-Mate above all others, even your best friend, as they should be your very best friend.

I find the philosophy of – excuse me for saying this – “bros before hos” to be an extremely juvenile one meant to serve the male ego while degrading women. As a man, there is no one I place above my Soul-Mate. While I truly value my friendships and family relationships, I feel that the relationship with my Soul-Mate is the my highest priority. Soul-Mate relationships have no use for “work-spouses” or “online relationships” or the awful term I recently saw on, “flirtationships.” None of this foolishness is necessary when you are with your Soul-Mate. The need for these types of things clearly shows that you are still searching for that special person.

8. Faithfulness, honesty and respect will flourish in a Soul-Mate relationship. These are highly desirable qualities of anyone with a high vibration that is seeking their Soul-Mate. You will be unable to find your Soul-Mate until you have raised your vibration to the level that will attract them to you. This is why so many “rebound relationships” fail: the person has not taken sufficient time to improve themselves. Dr. Wayne Dyer (who I admire greatly) is not just writing all those self-improvement books for his health – he is writing them for ours! At the end of one relationship, I began to put together and actively practice a process that allowed me to work on correcting many major flaws in myself that resulted in raising my vibration to all new heights. Now, you may be asking; if you did that before would your prior relationship have worked out? The answer is absolutely not. I found that by becoming a better person and raising my vibration, it carried me further away from the initial relationship. The transformational process I undertook became known as the Expansion Mastery System and it allowed me to bypass all the rebound relationships and attract my Soul-Mate.

When you have found your Soul-Mate you will naturally be faithful and there will be no cheating or even the slightest temptation to do so, regardless of the circumstance. There is no valid excuse for being unfaithful by either party. That behavior shows you that you are still searching for your Soul-Mate. It is not natural for men to behave this way and should it not be forgiven by the ladies. We are not “dogs,” we are human beings, and it’s time we matured and acted as though we had more intelligence than a homeless stray mut. Women should abide by this as well standard. Cheating is one of the most obvious ways to know you are not with your Soul-Mate. Let’s face it, cheating is never an accident and there is no excuse that justifies it. Not even being drunk or lonely or whatever you dream up in an attempt to be forgiven! A Soul-Mate relationship is one that allows both individuals in the union to be completely honest with themselves and each other. Being dishonest is yet another indicator that you’re not with your Soul-Mate. Both people will be completely satisfied in every way when in the proper relationship. Mutual respect is a clear sign of being with your Soul-Mate. I feel that this respect is a by-product of true love and will be there without effort. If the person you are with treats you disrespectfully in any manner, at any time, then they are obviously not your Soul-Mate.

9. In a Soul-Mate relationship, you can each be your true self. If you have any desire to change, condition, train or otherwise alter your partner, then it’s obvious they are not your Soul-Mate. Period. Soul-Mates will find that they can relax and be themselves, and all of their subtle quirks will be appreciated by the other person. You will find that you embrace these individual behaviors as endearing and smile when they arise because you are observing the person you love being themselves. If the other person irritates you, then I think that says a great deal, don’t you? Your Soul-Mate will basically be unable to irritate you or you them. Irritation is a form of resistance and this lets you know you are attempting to force something. Yes, we all have our off days or bad moods, but even then, you will realize that it is you who is off in that moment and not them. If at the beginning of a relationship, you feel there are things that you would change in the other person, then that lets you know that this is not your Soul-Mate. You will love your Soul-Mate for who they are right now and that love will continue to strengthen as you both grow in life. You will also notice that you encourage and inspire each other to grow while supporting that growth. This growth is the shared life journey of Soul-Mates.

10. There will be no need for drama, manipulation, control, or other negative behaviors or circumstances. Any healthy relationship must be free of these toxic behaviors. Anyone who participates in such things is not vibrating at a level conducive to attracting their Soul-Mate to begin with. A Soul-Mate relationship will not have the presence of any of these toxicities as there will be no need for it. Therefore, make sure that the person you are entering into a relationship with has made enough personal progress to have let go of the need for drama or control. These things always lead to an unhealthy relationship. Likewise, the need to manipulate others is a sign of severe insecurity; they attempt these things because they know the other person is not their Soul-Mate, yet they desire (in vain) to turn them into just that. This never ends well, for anyone. A Soul-Mate relationship will be drama-free. In order to attract your Soul-Mate into your experience you will both have to have made progress in raising your vibrations. Therefore, neither of you will have any use for drama, nor will you have the need to control someone else. You will have risen (vibrationally and spiritually) above such things. You will have no use for manipulation either, you will have risen above this and you will find yourselves able to accept “what is.”

In a Soul-Mate experience, you will find that you get your desired life path very clear between the both fo you from the beginning. You will also find yourself stepping outside of the confines of the herd and their social and cultural expectations. You will be able to honestly address questions that will verify that you are on the same page as the other person – as long as you each speak honestly from your heart. Questions such as, do we desire children or not? Where do you see yourself and us 5 years from now? Ten years from now? What personal pursuits do you have for yourself and as a couple? What about pets? Where do you desire to live? These questions, along with many others, should all be worked out prior to the relationship progressing too far. It is all too common for a relationship to begin and then people are engaged and they havent even addressed these common questions. This is a relationship based upon the unconscious, unawakened, mindless actions of someone who has no idea who they are searching for. I know because I was that type of person some 30 years ago.

You may notice that there are few relationships out there that can claim all of the ten points presented here. This speaks to how many people are in relationships with someone who is simply not their Soul-Mate, yet they keep forcing their way through life in denial of the truth. This is why Soul-Mate relationships are so rare. Not because the other person is too difficult to find, but because we continually insist on forcing relationships that were not meant to be. Human beings as a whole are not very good at finding that special person. It is a process that eludes us as we get taken off course by our own short-comings, sexual desires, impatience, the incessant urges of family members to make compromises (like they did – and how truly happy are they?) in order to have a relationship and give them play-toys in the form of children, and believing the unfortunate myths developed by social and cultural expectations. In a Soul-Mate experience you will notice that all of these points are in place without having to work at putting them there. Forcing anything is nature’s way of letting you know it is not to be. The typical result is human beings not being truly happy in their relationship and not willing to admit it to themselves or take action to correct it.

There are many stories out there designed to guilt you into staying in an unhappy relationship for a multitude of reasons. Remember that guilt is one of the lowest level vibrations in the human spectrum and not a healthy one. Guilt is often wielded casually and carelessly as an effective weapon and has the potential to do as much or more damage than any gun or knife. yet, guilt is used by so many people and religions in order to effect control. Rise above the guilt inflicted upon you by others- know in your heart what is right for you.

I feel that sharing your life with your Soul-Mate is part of your purpose for having this experience in the realm of time and space. I hope that you have the wonderful and blissful experience of being joined with your Soul-Mate. My only goal is to assist you in finding and cultivating the most absolutely magical, romantic relationship that was meant to be.

~ If you are interested in learning the transformational process known as the Expansion Mastery System, please grab your copy of my book, Expansion Mastery: The Practical Guide to Living a Fully Engaged Life. You can get it at or any fine bookseller near you!

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